Danika & Damien

These two children are my grandchildren from my oldest son Joey and wife Abbey. According to society and our culture, this should have never happened. After Joey finished high school he went to Cornerstone Baptist college in Michigan. While in school, he met Abbey and they were soon after married. They bought a home in Michigan, and are now raising their children. Joey has worked hard for all of this. He never had any help while in school. Often times, he had to go without books for his classes. He always worked while in school. He never had a license or owned a car. He relied on other forms of transportation to get him around, like buses, taxi's or friends.

I came across this post and after reading it, I thought of Joey and his path he chose to walk. I did ask him at one point why he was the way he was. The only answer I ever remember him saying was that he never wanted to end up like me. He must have observed how my life was and chose a different way to become who he is. The only goal I had in my life while I was raising my children, was for them to have a life that was different than mine. I didn't want them to suffer the consequences of lacking an education. Despite the fact that I was dirt poor while raising my children , I still managed to deeply fix into their minds, that they could go anywhere in their lives if they got immersed in reading. That included make believe vacations. After all, even when we do go on vacations, after all is said and done, all we have left are memories, journals and pictures. Going to the library was free, even if I had to push a stroller to get there.

I will never believe we are who we are because of our parents. They can help mold us in some ways, but the end result is because of our own choices. So I stuck it out and now I get to watch my childrens lives unfold.

Abbey sent me this picture today. It was sent at a good time. My life still feels like a ship that is sinking little by little, which is still the result of me staying in situations that are not the greatest. I still find myself giving to everyone else but myself. This is a gentle reminder for me to take back who I am and make my life matter. Something to think about!

Heredity plays a role in almost all human development, whether physical, mental, or emotional. We tend to look like our parents and are subject to the same sensitivities they have. We may even be predisposed to certain behaviors or preferences. As we grow older, we become increasingly aware of the traits that exist within us and the clear history of the traits of our mothers and fathers. Our response to this epiphany depends upon whether the inclinations, tendencies, and penchants we inherited from our forebears are acceptable in our eyes. We may honor some of these shared traits while rejecting others. However, there is no law of nature, no ethereal connection between parents and children, that states that the latter must follow in the footsteps of the former. We are each of us free to become whoever we wish to be. When we accept that our parents are human beings in possession of both human graces and human failings, we begin to regard them as distinct individuals. And by granting mothers and fathers personhood in our minds, we come to realize that we, too, are autonomous people and in no way destined to become our relations. While we may have involuntarily integrated some of our parents' mannerisms or habits into our own lives, conscious self-examination will provide us with a means to identify these and work past them if we so desire. We can then unreservedly honor and emulate those aspects of our mothers and fathers that we admire without becoming carbon copies of them. Though many of the tempers and temperaments that define you are inherited, you control how they manifest in your life. The patterns you have witnessed unfolding in the lives of your parents need not be a part of your unique destiny. You can learn from the decisions they made and choose not to indulge in the same vices. Their habits need not become yours. But even as you forge your own path, consider that your parents' influence will continue to shape your life-whether or not you follow in their footsteps. Throughout your entire existence, they have endeavored to provide you with the benefit of their experiences. How you make use of this profound gift is up to you.

Sitting With Feelings

It can take great courage to really sit with our feelings, allowing ourselves to surrender to their powerful energies. All too often we set our feelings aside, thinking we will deal with them later. If we don’t deal with them, we end up storing them in our minds and bodies and this is when anxiety and other health issues can arise. Denying what our bodies want to feel can lead to trouble now or down the line, which is why being in the thick of our feelings, no matter how scary it seems, is really the best thing we can do for ourselves. One of the reasons we tend to hide or push aside our feelings is that we live in a culture that has not traditionally supported emotional awareness. However, as the connection between mind and body--our emotions and our physical health-- becomes clearer, awareness of the importance of feeling our feelings has grown. There are many books, classes, workshops and retreats that can help us on our way to emotional intelligence. We can also trust in our own ability to process what comes up when it comes up. If sadness arises, we can notice its presence and welcome it, noting where in our bodies we feel it, and allowing ourselves to express it through tears or a quiet turning inward. When we simply allow ourselves to fully feel our feelings as they come, we tend to let them go easily. This is all we are required to do; our feelings simply want to be felt. We often complicate the situation by applying mental energy in the form of analysis, when all we really need is to allow, as the earth allows the rain to fall upon it. As the rain falls, the earth responds in a multitude of ways, sometimes emptying out to form a great canyon, sometimes soaking it up to nourish an infinitude of plants. In the same way, the deeper purpose of our feelings is to transform the terrain of our inner world, sometimes creating space for more feelings to flow, sometimes providing sustenance for growth. All we need to do is allow the process by relaxing, opening, and receiving the bounty of our emotions.